Sunday, April 17, 2016

Harriet Smith-ing Gone Awry, Or The Time I Almost Caught My Porch On Fire

Do you ever hold on to totally random, seemingly useless items just for the sentimentality? And do you ever suddenly realize that you really don't need those random, totally useless items? And then do you think that it might be nice to display your realized lack of sentimentality to yourself by burning those useless items?

This story happened back in November, but I had decided not to blog about it, for various reasons. Then, last week, I decided that I might as well. This is one of the funniest moments in my recent history, and it deserves additional laughter, although I'm not sure how funny it will be if you weren't there.

So, as previously mentioned, last November I decided to burn a couple of things. The items were both natural fiber-based, so there didn't seem any harm in setting them aflame. I had an old candle jar (with a little wax still in the bottom) that would set the scene nicely. Concerned about smoke in my home, I took the operation out onto my porch.

I placed the items in the candle jar, lit them with a match, and sat back to watch the burning. Unfortunately, it took longer than expected, and the boredom (and cold) soon drove me back inside. I checked on my little bonfire semi-frequently, about every ten minutes. It seemed to be taking forever.

After about an hour of burning, I stepped outside and was greeted by a candle jar engulfed by flame! Alarmed, I suddenly recalled that I had recently poured some bacon grease into the jar, and that the grease had probably melted and contributed to the inferno before me.

Determined to keep a cool head and act swiftly, I ran inside and filled up a cup with water, pouring it into the jar when I returned to the porch. The cold water on the hot glass caused the jar to break, and wax went spilling out onto the porch. I filled up and emptied the cup a couple more times before the blaze was entirely quenched, at which point I realized the ridiculous of the scenario and started laughing hysterically. This is what I was left with:

Shortly afterwards, I went out and scraped the remaining wax off the porch, but there still remained a slightly charred, slightly waxy mark on the concrete, the lasting memory of this experiment...gone up in flames.

Thanks for reading.

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