My Dog Can Beat Up Your Dog

Today, as I left the house for class I saw a tiny dog in a sweater. The tiny dog was walking across my lawn and stopped for a moment to look at me. It looked like it was contemplating barking at me, but then it moved on, turning around every few steps to look at me again. I thought about saying to the dog "You don't intimidate me! Who do you think you are, tiny sweatered dog, to look at me so menacingly? That sweater denies you of any sort of terror you might hope to muster up with your itsy-bitsy yippity dog bark." The thought occurred to me that I could bring my own dog out and he could probably beat the crap out of that insignificant puff ball varmint.

I think that if you're going to have a dog, you should go big or go home. My paternal grandma had poodles and other small dogs when I was growing up. One of her poodles, Gidget, was a fat lap dog. I had no problems with this dog, plus I was a considerably smaller person. Her other poodle, Pokey, was....a unique dog. He wasn't albino, I don't think, but he had red eyes and white hair, including a shock of hair on the top of his head that stood straight up as if it he had been traipsing about an electro-magnetic field. When my grandma died, her dogs went to new homes, and while we eventually heard of Gidget's passing, we never heard anything about Pokey. We're pretty sure that he's still wandering the earth.

The dog we have now, Sherlock, is a big dog. I don't really think of him as a big dog, since I'm used having him around, but everyone says that he is big. I like that he is a substantial dog. When I hear those songs and sayings about how the more boys a girl meets, the more she likes her dog, I think about Sherlock. Sometimes, a girl comes home and needs a hug, and if no one is available a dog can do a pretty good job of it. Plus, I feel safe having Sherlock around. I would never dream of sending a rat dog to do the job of a real dog.

Now, the down side of having such a big dog is that they are hard to care for, like taking them for walks and such. I can take Sherlock out, but it takes a lot of arm strength to do it. For this reason, I will probably not own a dog of my own for quite some time. Maybe when I'm married and my husband can be buff and walk the dog, I will reconsider, but at this point I would rather live without a dog than succumb to the fate of the tiny dog owner. Here's to you, big dogs!